There are any number of things in life that peeps will use the words "....makes me want to kill myself" for. It could be a hideous haircut that you'll spend the next millennium growing back out, a song played on repeat that gets on your last nerve but you can't help singing along to, one so annoyingly catchy that it burrows into your brain ready to be reactivated at the merest bar of that song playing. It could be...
or even worse...
and it gets worse...WAY WORSE....
Yep, they're definitely up there with Chinese water torture in the 'death is preferable' camp.
So, after that light-hearted musical interlude, its time to talk about the real ish that makes a person want to die. Deep, for sure, but I'm all about educating, dear void.
Did you know that on the 10th it was World Suicide Prevention Day? No, honest, its not one of those 'world donut day' or 'national greige nail varnish week' press stunts set up to bribe us consumer whores into buying yet more Useless Shit. No, WSPD is all about recognising that people have suicidal thoughts and tendencies, making them aware they are not alone, there is hope, and there is help.
Suicides aren't inevitable. And changing the stigma around them will challenge this very notion. People can be bought back from the very edge, from the point of no return, but it takes a multi-agency approach to do so: coordination between the Government, voluntary groups, public services, the private sector and most definitely from the grass roots at community level.
I have made three suicidal attempts on my life. The fact I am still here is based on several factors: appropriate help from community mental health teams, my family and fiance, the ambulance service, several A&E departments in the UK, and the Samaritans. Let me tell you that it was with a crushing relief I came through each of my overdoses: waking up in a hospital bed, whilst filled with guilt and anxiety, was the very best outcome each and every time. The sad truth is that, aside from very deliberate and violent suicides, like a colleague of mine who hung himself at home in his stairwell, and a friend of the family who drowned himself in a river, many people taking overdoses (a very common method of both intentional and unintentional suicide) are performing, in their eyes, an almighty cry for help. But the danger of popping a cart-load of anything and everything in your medicine cabinet and thinking the docs will be able to pick up the pieces after you've spent a few hours raging at yourself, is that it might not happen. The docs will only arrive if you're sober enough, or for that matter, conscious enough, to call for them. Or you'll be counting on a friend or partner arriving home to come to your aide. If they don't come, or they come too late, then its curtains. The end. And they get to find you.
Now, this is heavy shit, but I promise anyone reading this who is feeling like the rest of the world and their entire family will be better off without them and is storing up meds or syphoning away ropes or wires to use as ligatures: you will leave a black hole if you pass in that way. Your loved ones will forever wonder why, question if there were things they missed, steps they could've taken to keep you safe. They definitely won't feel better off without you.
If you're feeling alone or stuck in a situation where you feel there is no escape and that death is favourable, you're wrong. There is always some way out that doesn't put you six feet under. If you have no one to talk to then talk to the Samaritans (they saved my life) or talk to me, email me, let off steam, I'll help you with your options.
A cliched and cheesy affirmation that, if you really think about the words, is a great healer:
Sit alone with that sentence, repeat it, consider it and put off your other plans a while. Nothing stays the same forever, nothing at all.
'This too shall pass'
If you are in need of help or are having suicidal thoughts please use the following contacts, write them down, keep them in your phone or taped to your mirror:
The Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90 24/7 or email jo@samaritans.org
A&E: your local A&E department can be found here by inputting your postcode. All A&E depts in the UK should have a duty worker available if your need help with depressive thoughts and suicidal urges - please use them!
999 - dial this number if you are in the process of planning or acting out suicidal behaviours. They will blue-light to get to you ASAP
Call your friends, even though you might not want to talk to anyone
Call your family, even though you might not want to talk to anyone
email me on njimmn@gmail.com - I'll point you in the right direction if there's no one else you can trust.
Finally, please check out the Samaritians' great video 'U can cope' promoting the World Suicide Prevention Day ethos and exploring the stories of people who were close to taking their own lives, and their journeys back from the edge. Hopefully this'll be less irritating than Justin Timberlake's hair:
Peace and love xxx
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