Me!
When I 'came out' publicly as mentally ill yesterday, I had no idea what the reaction would be. People can often react negatively to the unknown about people they think they know. I was terrified of pushing the 'publish' button on Blogger. I've never been so painfully honest about anything in my life, let alone screaming it out loud via the twittersphere.
I have been completely humbled by the response. I have been inundated by positivity, love, hope and support since I blogged yesterday, to the point where, over 24 hours later I am still pretty much speechless. For those of you that know me 'in real life' you'll know that is a rarity.
Words do no justice to how I feel right now. I feel emotionally lighter than I have been in years. I had built up such an anxiety about 'coming out' that I was totally unprepared for a positive response. But that is exactly what I have received.
I'd like to say this: I'm not ever so brave, I was just tired of pretending to be who I wasn't, of putting on a facade for the world that bore no resemblance to the reality of my life. I no longer fear rejection for acknowledging who I am, because I want to dedicate myself to helping others who feel like I felt. Jumping off that emotional cliff was scary, but not doing so was beginning to feel like a life sentence. Unless more of us continue the conversation, the status quo won't ever change. I'm prepared to take up the baton and help other people 'come out' too.
So lets all join together and make this more than just a poor Smiths' pun...I'm here when you're ready. And watch this space...
You are a star, let's hope you've inspired others to follow suit. xx
ReplyDeleteThat's my aim, thank you so much for contributing, much love xx
DeleteAbsolutely brilliant and you certainly have inspired others to follow suite... me!
ReplyDeleteI think people who can be proud of their achievements and equally their flaws are GREAT role models. It seems we all struggle with our emotions and many of us don't even know it because it presents itself in so many different ways: aggression, quietness, over enthusiastic, illness, sadness, tiredness... so many!
I have seen it so many times in the juniors I have trained and very often we care too much about what people think of us than what we actually think of ourselves. There is no point in anything if it makes you miserable and we put so much pressure on ourselves in today's competitive, always connected, over analytical, over judgemental environment. To the point our perceptions of success are somewhat skewed by irrelevant ambitions that simply leave us hollow and numb. The most important thing is making sure you're happy with yourself, nobody else's opinion matters.
This week I have finally stopped taking my antidepressants having been through the worst year of my life (since University and being diagnosed with diabetes etc. etc.) and I can only blame stress and the fact I struggle with depression for the majority of the points in my life where things have come away at the seems. So much so I have permanently damaged my body due to the level of stress I have put on myself emotionally and physically trying to keep up my fun happy and motivational persona and job (the only two things I can control).
Its so important for people to realise the damage they can do to their health by not paying attention to the way they feel emotionally as this can often be the first sign of things and can be addressed before any damage is done. You are not giving up by taking a step back to look at yourself and how to address the real issues behind what you think are problems.
Everything is so much easier once you do this, things become much clearer and your perspective on chellenges changes. I'm proud of the fact I'm a bit of a numpty and a very deep thinker, it makes me more creative, also hard work for the men in my life but if they can't handle me then they can't have me :)
I can't tell you how amazing it is to see someone just take the reigns on this and highlight the fact that lots of people around us are feeling the same way and managing to cope with different tactics. If we share this more then we can help more. I really think mental health is the first step in addressing physical health too, they're both linked very closely.
Thank you so much for being the person to give us all encouragement and I'd like to think this is the first step in people finally seeing this as "normal" and something to talk about. In our darkest moments it can feel very lonely and self indulgent and as though nothing will make it better but simply knowing someone else knows how that feels is a little sparkle of light and I love it! :)
Wishing you and all your readers the bestest wishes and happy thoughts.
Lxx
(still anonymous-ish)
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for writing this amazingly honest reply. I hope you realise that in doing so, anonymously or otherwise, you too have helped people who stumble across this blog. I hope you feel able to join me too one day on your own 'coming out' journey. I will be here if, if not, or when you are ready to. You are so very inspiring, too x
ReplyDeleteHi again Hayley, Thank you for this post. I made a film about my mental health issue [well, one of them] , (link in my profile at twitter), and I would like to invite you to join forces with me [if you are so inclined] with regards to a disability discrimination that is happening all over this country. I'm twilight7609 at twitter, so if you Private Message with me, I will tell you what I have in mind.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes,
S
Hayley I hope this was ok to do.. to re tweet this and also to g plus it as your efforts..should be noticed..As you know I am not too fabbbbby with pc's but I hope that I have done this correctly,meant in the nicest way possible..I just hope I have the settings right..and not stuffed it all up.. x
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